#thanks partner for knowing me so well
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if you're stretching for shadowclan cats to use:
antpelt is mistakenly listed as from shadowclan in battles of the clans, and the wiki had him as a different character for a while. he also has an unnamed apprentice
shredtail is also mistakenly listed in shadowclan during bramblestar's storm
I am absolutely at the point where I'm willing to make absolutely ABSURD stretches. I'm affectionately calling all the extra cats I'm scrounging up from writer mistakes and background scenes "ShadowClan's Glitch Warriors." Thank you so much for pointing these three out, they're going in the list.
Suddenly, I was struck with an absolutely hilarious idea. Partner wanted something fun to draw but still has read absolutely nothing about Warriors, so I pitched;
"I will tell you nothing about these characters or who they are except their names. Draw a Shredtail, an Antpelt, and Antpelt's apprentice. TOTAL freedom over the designs here."
First they drew this lmao,
"This is a joke," they clarified
"NO I LOVE IT," I said, "KEEP GOING"
So we got Dollar Tree Shredtail, Great Value Antpelt, and the best thing I've ever seen in my life. Once they put these designs down, we talked personality and differentiators from the canon counterparts while they colored and refined them;
I loved the bushy gaster tail so much that I swore on the spot I was going to work it upwards into a whole bloodline, including the very obscure background warrior in AVOS, Wasptail. So even though they're mentor and apprentice in BOTC, I've decided these two will also be related. Probably siblings, or auncle/nespring.
The little black one is based off an Admiral Butterfly (it was my idea to make the little spots on their chest look like medals), so the name seems clear to me. Admiralpaw. Xey'll be meewa unless another gender works better; and I'm planning for xem to go out during a bloody battle against The Kin in true admiral style.
(funfact; admiral butterflies are extremely territorial. Males fight each other for control of a plant to attract females to.)
Warrior name is still undecided, though. Open to suggestions, leaning towards Admiralflight or Admiralflower.
Not-Antpelt I'm having name troubles with. I REALLY wanted to name them Majorheart, after a major ant, to keep the "military ranking + bug" pun that Addy's got... but it seems that none of the ants in this area would have a major caste. B'awww.
In the meanwhile, Antspot works fine. Alatefang or Dronepelt could work, too. Feel free to shout out suggestions, this guy's name and gender aren't set in stone.
Lastly, here's Diet Shreddy. Girl now <3
She is 100% going to be killed during The Battle of the True Eclipse, keeping consistent with the mistake in Bramblestar's Storm where Blackstar mournfully calls out the name of a Dark Forest warrior. I'm also undecided on if the actual Shredtail himself dies during that battle in BB, it might just be her.
In any case, she's probably going to be a TPB girl. If she's born during Brokenstar's time, she's one of the younger ShadowClan cats to take part in the WindClan Massacre. Might even be an early apprentice at the time, in a similar situation to Badgerfang (though in BB this was a one-time thing). If not during Brokenstar, then sometime during Nightstar's brief reign.
Right now she has no family, she's in my "reserves" at the side to use as a patch between generations. Her name is probably going to be either Tattertail or Shredclaw, given as an Honor Title after the Battle of BloodClan.
So she had a previous warrior name as well. She seems like the kind of troublemaker who would have the prefix Sike-- a small stream that dries up in summer. Sikestripe, if her name was given by Nightstar, or Sikestrike, if it was given by Tigerstar. Maybe it was one and then the other, in a sign of disrespect to his predecessor's lie.
#Then I lulled partner to sleep by streaming me working on the ShadowClan Family Tree#Small update for all concerned; Thank you for all the well wishes. They're doing ok#As OK as you can be in this situation. It comes and goes in waves.#We've been doing lots of nice stuff while hanging out all day. Soup. Video games. Stories. Rest.#They asked me for some nature prompts because plants are relaxing to draw#So I'm going to try making some guides specifically to their requests#But anyway--#I'm compiling lots of “glitch warriors” so I can mark down EXACTLY where they come from and their descriptions.#So far I've counted like 3 silver tabbies#This is extremely funny because there are TWO adult cats who could be called 'silver tabbies' alive during that time in TPB#Neither of them are actually silver tabbies (Boulder is solid gray and Archeye is a gray tabby).#And one of the 3 unnamed silver tabbies is a queen.#Btw I want to open up a like... 'Let's pick some names and personalities!' thing somehow for a lot of these Glitch Warriors#Because it sounds like fun and I like the spirit of collaboration with these guys#Plus I know some people really love the biome-accurate prefixes I can provide so this is a nice opportunity#Better Bones AU#bone babble#bug#ant#cw bug#ant cat
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Look, I just think it's VERY funny and on brand that I thought of an entire premise of colorful characters for half the cast and immediately drew the only one void of color.
#my characters#i will not bore you all too much in the main post but now its story time in the tags so yeefuckinghaw#noll is a fae and is distinctly the only one that just lacks colors#at first he was like well surely i can wear colorful stuff to make up for my dark hair and eyes !#and then he overhears some of the fae talking about how hes a blemish to the fae and hes like well fuck#guess its time to go all in baby! and decks himself out in all black and jagged clothing#and he tries to play it off as hes an idiot and a lot of the fae actually believe its not ALL an act#like they can tell he thinks about stuff but he normally does it staring into space so they dont care to ask#cause surely it isnt important enough to brood about hes just thinking about stuff#and he really REALLY has a lot of confidence issues and worries that more fae are disturbed by his darkness than let on#but then the other fae that like to hang out with him are like#YOOOOOO THATS OUR LIL VOID! THATS OUR LIL GUY! our lil black spot look at him hes so edgy and cute!#and treat him like a pet cat at times giving him head pats even if he bats their hands away#and the plot premise is that some of the fae are bored and decide they should go play with some humans! give THEM enrichment too!#and noll gets roped into it and The Game is basically go find a human partner and convince them to be an ally#then the fae give the humans cool lil toys (weapons) and are like GO FORTH MY CHAMPION!#so noll keeps like ... not picking anyone to participate because its not just A Game to him#if he can prove victorious in A Game with outside factors such as humans then he can prove hes not#an absolute disappointment to the fae like he has a lot riding on this in his mind#and his friends are just like buddy you cant even play if you dont pick a human you gotta#anyway here is noll and then i have ideas for two other fae and also a veeeery vague idea for two of the humans though not as sure yet#rae if you read all this you should know the cobalt is a fae thanks bye#i am so stressed posting ocs every single time and i am incredibly depressed and anxious#so good lord please let me not just delete all the tags in an hour bc im ashamed
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2?
(important context in tags)
Dani sucks in a breath, and prepares for the worst. "There's no way you're fitting in that."
Blades gives her a blank look, the dress halfway up his thighs. "Huh?"
Even if there weren't love handles spilling over the waistband of his boxers, there's no way in hell Blades is fitting into anything Dani owns. He's taller than her, his shoulders are broader, and he's far more filled out. "You're not fitting in that."
"Why?" Blades asks, seemingly genuinely curious.
Because you're fat, is on the tip of Dani's tongue, but she holds it. Blades isn't even human on most days, she shouldn't subject him to human problems like body image issues. "We're not the same size," she settles on, tapping a beat on her arm. "You're bigger than me. And I'd rather you not rip that dress."
Blades' frown gets deeper, but he shimmies out of the dress and pulls back on the old tshirt and jeans from her dad, the only clothes they had that would fit him. "I could get smaller?" he offers.
Dani shakes her head. "No, you can't," she tells him. "You're not... y'know."
"Right," Blades mutters, crossing his arms over his chest. Dani can see the outline of his stomach through the shirt. How can he not be insecure about that? "But I don't like these clothes, I like your clothes. Your dad has no sense of style."
Dani cracks a smile at that. "No, he doesn't. But, uh..." she shifts, staring at the dress crumpled on the floor. Maybe she should've let him stretch out that dress. She always looks a little off in it... "I could take you shopping," she offers, and Blades absolutely lights up.
"Really?" he says, grabbing her hands. "Can we go to the mall? Oh, I've always wanted to do that-" he cuts himself off suddenly, eyes growing wide. "Oh my Primus. You have to buy me a pretzel."
Dani bites the comment on her tongue and forces herself to match his energy. "Of course!" she promises, squeezing his hands back. "You should enjoy your time as human!"
Blades' grin lights up the whole room.
Dani sighs when he turns away, babbling about all his plans and gathering up the clothes scattered on the floor to get an idea of what he wants. He's so excited, Dani wishes she could genuinely match that energy.
Maybe I could stand to learn a thing or two from him.
#this ones short and sweet#blades is the tallest I won't be taking questions#okay so this is not TECHNICALLY an au of an au#but in the smoke and mirrors au I'm planning to write a little story where doc greene creates some like inator or something#and traps the rescue bots in their holoforms#it goes about as well as you'd think#emotional regulation is at zero#basically they get all my sensory issues as they now have to taste and chew and eat food and experience textures and stuff#REGARDLESS#they appear in outfits corresponding to their professions#firefighter gear for heatwave#bulletproof vest and shit for chase#fighter pilot gear for blades#construction gear for boulder you get me#because they're all around the same size at their partners or the other burns kids give or take they kinda dress them in old clothes#but as we know in switcheroo blades really likes dani's clothes#and she's super conscious of her weight and body and stuff#and yeah was in the mood to write that. SO#might write this soon#maccadam#transformers#transformers rescue bots#thanks for the ask!!#s&m ask game#smoke and mirrors au#tfrb blades#tfrb dani#humanformers
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on the robe saga, fors told viaplay "it was our captain's idea actually" so he was team sasha btw. which could mean nothing
(they also said "smells fresh, so you've not sauna'd in this one?" and he laughed and said he didn't he saved this one for that day)
its so personally funny to me that literally everyone is team sasha (ie. maffhew, roddy) except sasha himself its "today? barky" "barky hes the best" "matthew tkachuk and you guys know why..." "id wanna be barky in tappara!" "its gotta be barky" "probably go cap!" "id say barky!" all over again like sasha youre bias is showing here please 😭😭😭
oh! now that you bring up forsy saying he saved the robes for gameday! (can we also talk about how cute his smile is as he says it because he looks so proud of himself that he listened to his captain when he told him to save the virginity of his bathrobes for the game)
it does makes sense why forsy was missing from the pic lundy posted on his stories (not that particularly means much considering ekky aj driedges spence adam jesper swaggy gadjo and kuli are missing) but in the sense that all the boys in the pic have their robes on or have them bundled in their laps sans lundy who takes tourguide duties very seriously! but even then forsy couldn't help but join in because he has them on as an extra layer during lunchtime so the cold mustve gotten to him somehow but to know even then he didn't go into the sauna with it... mmm... your restraint is admirable...
so really knowing all this the timeline gets so funny because this idea has been bouncing around probably since bzito gave them the robes in helsinki (whether that was when they landed oct 29 or the day after oct 30 when lundy played tourguide for them) and maffhew mustve quipped "man it would be so funny if we walked in with em huh?" to sasha and promptly forgot about it because he yaps unconsciously and anything out of his mouth comes out in a fugue state and also in a very "i say shit and i dont really expect to be taken seriously" kind of way, sasha made a personal note of it in the maffhew index he keeps in his head, told the team in a very sasha esque way aka "don't dirty robes too much we're gonna wear them for the game :]" and no one took him particularly seriously because its sasha he always jokes like this haha hes not really gonna- (reminds them day of probably via text) and go oh well i guess its a prank but i'll still wear them because it's sasha (shrugs) i don't mind being the butt of the joke if it's for sasha to which they're delightfully surprised when everyone shows up in robes and it slowly starts to dawn on them none of it was a joke at all
sans forsy who takes everything his captain says very seriously and diligently follows his every word and saved the sanctity of the robes for gameday merely because sasha told him to... which could mean nothing... of course...
dear god help us all...
#ask#THANK YOU FOR TRANSLATING I ONLY GOT THE CAPTAIN PART. MUAH MUAH KISSES FOR YOU MUAHHHH#literally the funniest saga#what do you mean forsy was the only good boy on the team#saved his robes... for dayof... because sasha... yeah thats not gonna drive me fucking nuts#virginal bathrobes and all that#sauna robes but lets make it more pyschosexual actually#im sorry im never getting over forsy admitting he saved the robes...#on another episode of forsy likes when his resolve and determination gets tested because hes a freak#we matthewsasha around these parts but we also think every cat is fucking and really i think sashaforsy is beautiful#because its two notoriously humble workhorses in which while theyre both leaders in their own ways one will always defer enthusiastically#not unlike say if in an omegaverse au in a packed w multiple alphas who all bow their head to their pack leader-#well anyways#congrats man i hope this weird edging training session worked out for ya bud i hope sasha treated you nice for showing restraint 👍#sauna robes saga part 637 it never ends#no back to forsy sorry forsy bitting his lip a little while he says he saved the robes.. oh buddy...#when i say the core are swingers in an gives you hell all american rejects way this is what i mean#swapping partners like we're square dancing#sasha has fun with forsy while maffhew looks at ekky like he wants to eat him alive during the robe walkin#and then they all go out on a double date at hook so you know...#sorry i have to make it all about them because its soooo#also the “smells fresh” comment implies that some other kitties did not bother to laundry so good for them to have sauna funk on em
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i know Zhu and Ouyang are the best worsties (TM) and nobody even comes close but i also think we're sleeping on Ouyang and Shao
I just can't help it but imagine Shao looking at Ouyang like
#i just can't stop thinking abt how Ouyang can't stand him but also decides to trust him with the revenge plot#and Shao knows Ouyang so well (even if he doesn't understand him) and even pities him sometimes bc of the fate ''nobody else would want''#Shao is like ''we're partners in crime. we have a special bond thanks to our shared ethnicity. we know each other's desires'' *evil laugh*#while Ouyang is like ''ughhh that fucking guy is still trying to fraternize with me even though I'M NOT INTERESTED''#but when Ouyang thought that Shao ''wasn't unhandsome''..... the hatesex opportunities are there. just saying#the radiant emperor#she who became the sun#general ouyang#shao ge
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came out to my dad 👍 there’s officially no area of my life in which i’m not out and proud we did it queers
#it went fine :) his 5 second hesitation where he took a deep breath and stared at the wall before slowly nodding and turning to me will#haunt me forever . but then all he said was ‘and what are this woman’s intentions’ (i came#out by telling him about my partner) so.#i saw so much flash through his eyes there and i know he’s not really 100 percent okay but he chose peace and that’s what matters#and i’m v grateful. but still. haunting . me and my sister were just staring at each other so scared#bc that could have gone so many ways but again he clearly made a deliberate choice there and i’m so thankful#and finally free!!! + he no longer thinks me and my bestie are in love so yay#and then my grandma (who was also there) just went so she’s not hispanic AT ALL??? 😕#and my dad went wait yeah you’re dating a white girl????? and all was well 👍
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introducing the shipname blue hydrangeas for me and my f/o…!!! a little rambling about the decision under cut as well and well. in the tags
with the different vivid colors of hydrangeas, each come with their own special meaning in flower language as well!!! i think it’s very important to keep in mind when researching about such language is that they can be different between cultures/not all cultures have the same meaning for a flower (it’s super duper interesting to me that going through victorian era(?) flower language books have hydrangeas in general noted as ‘boastful’ with how little seeds it gave compared to how much flowers it has… and not only that but men sent it to women who rejected them to imply their frigidity, which. is so mean actually.).
blue hydrangeas i believe they’re not seemed as the happiest kind of flower with being given as an apology (stemming from the japanese myth) but i mostly see the flower for its meaning of deep gratitude and understanding which absoluutely applies to s/i (or. well. me but i’m too embarrassed to use the word ‘us’ uuumm) and f/o…!!! sincerity i think is a meaning the flower heavily carries as well and being true to someone like that and having that kind of connection really is what the highlight of their relationship is with what both have been through and stand for. f/o is not extremely trusting, and being laid bare open to someone like that is very unheard of to them until they have s/i in their life and slowly develop a sort of closeness towards him. s/i is somewhat similar to f/o but different in a way that their honesty is quite warped when it comes to people (i’ve mentioned him being a sunshine type of character but there are layers to that, in the way that he finds his truer and more negative emotions irrelevant and keeps the sunshine mask on as he grew more used to it & finds it much easier basically) so the type of relationship for the both of them where they can genuinely be themselves with their guards down is something really special
in a way both are extremely grateful for each other as well for walking into their life and wouldn’t have it any other way
#yeah i was. going to go on more but um LOL#‘a little rambling’ he said. a Little he said. Bro that is Not little#AND IM SORRYFOR THAT. LOL. a little too long i think it’s just my sleepy thoughts#if anyone ever did read the whole thing though i appreciate you with my whole heart. thank you#super hard to articulate my thoughts a lot sometimes#also arent i so smart for the drawing. literally nothing can give away who the hell my f/o is. im literally so smart and they should kiss m#Moving on. actually deciding what the shipname was going to be was super hard though#because i thought of ‘the prince and his partner’ at first but prince is just a petname f/o uses on s/i so…#❥ blue hydrangeas#❥ vels ramblings#self shipping#self ship#my art#self ship art#extra thing but if i got any info wrong you’re free to let me know i didn’t go too much in detail as well abt flower meaning so
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its been like. nearly a year (How.) already but i cannot lie theres Still a part in the back of my brain occupied with and being thoroughly entertained by the way that childes confirmed 4.0 complete self-awareness over waking up the narwhal at 14 recontextualizes some key liyue things leading to some very funny self indulgent scenarios in my head
like yes chili is old news its basic please excuse me for predictable popular ship crimes (do NOT however associate me w the crimes of fanon against their actual range. theyre peak to Me) but i just keep replaying the imagery of zhongli and childe back on their homoerotic Professional Working Relationship bullshit where their flirting passed the jkjk unless treshold of even remotely plausible deniability like 8 exorbitantly priced business dinners ago and theyre just like. doing that whole song and dance now neither committing to a move except zhonglis presently feeling moderately conflicted (but nonetheless fairly unfazed at) by the prospects of actually developing some sort of a thing for the harbinger hes supposed to puppet master into executing the major story climax of his 67-step retirement plan bc he turned out to be quite the strangely charming ginger specimen (to His weird fucking 6000 year old tastes at least. they deserve each other) with some fascinating life ambitions he cant help but be enraptured by.
but because hes still 100% Locked In on his entire plan zhonglis also just . simultaneously dual wielding his coy-ass "i like you and am taking it slow to Savor this developing relationship (Also bc of the Geo Archon Shaped Elephant In The Room) except am old as shit so my languid sense of time inadvertedly Automatically turns my behavior into an equivalent of the dark souls boss of playing hard2get" act (cue "waddup im ajax 24 and im in fucking agony with this hot funeral consultant". Yes they live like this) AND also meticulously theorycrafting like 12 moves in advance for his 6d chess play of leaving the most subtly crafted trail of breadcrumbs behind for the tsaritsas 11th to follow into the intended & completely "Coincidental" idea of unleashing the one particular sealed sea deity that zhongli Specifically wants momentarily released for his sweet 6k retirement party and graduation test for the nation hes helicopter parented for 3.7k years .
like. this is zhongli we r talking about the guy Absolutely has it planned out down to a fucking art like he has an entire branching path dialogue tree planned and memorized like its a visual novel for every possible way he can conveniently namedrop osial in a non-suspect way and also that he just happens to be sealed right over there across the harbor (what a coincidence!) and also to slip in the intel about the latent power of the sigil of permission etc etc. like zhonglis just out there doing all this massive galaxy brain computational work simultaneously while infodumping on an academic level about whichever subject childes latest random comment of amicable small talk happened to remind him of because in his helicopter parent in remission mind its Absolutely Critical that the idea about releasing osial occurs Completely organically in childes mind it Has to he Cannot risk revealing anything . (hes in remission not in recovery guys.) so like here we are. he requested notes from the tsaritsa Personally on the character of her 11th just to ensure every move was painstakingly crafted to draw him Specifically to the intended conclusion without risking revealing his true identity .
except. the thing . neither he. nor the tsaritsa . would have been informed of . is that this simply isnt childes first fucking rodeo waking up an eldritch city sized sea creature . and he is very well aware of this fact . he woke that beautiful wonderful beloved huge fucking narwhal up by himself had his brain chemistry Immediately and Irrevocably rewired as a direct consequence do you fucking think hes somehow stopped thinking about that singular moment for even a second since then???
yeah . thought so.
so what actually ends up happening in reality is theyll be on another definitely-serious-business-not-just-a-date and zhonglis going to get down to like dialogue selection part 10 of the 86 step conversation tree at Most where hes only beginning to like Vaguely allude to the key pieces of information involved but it turns out Because Hes That Guy (TM) And Has Been There Done That Before childes basic pattern recognition and sense of irony simply proceed to kick in Way ahead of time and hes Immediately perking up like Hey wouldnt it be really fucking funny if i wake up an eldritch sea beast Again . like just in case. as a last ditch effort .
and zhonglis just sitting there seeing the gears turn in his head as they enjoy their cringe fucking picnic (bc they just stare at each other intently like that nowadays its a thing. being in a room with them by this point is essentially a human rights violation) and is just completely fucking flabbergasted and lost on how in the hell childes speedran his way to that conclusion at what amounts to barely a 13% completion rate in his whole overkill fucking plan (just 1 of 3 contingencies btw) and its like yes he has his intended outcome but also precisely 0 idea on how the fuck said outcome was reached the way it was this fast . like hes still winning its His plan thats well underway and ahead of schedule but How
(pov: ur selling the concept of waking up destructive sea creatures to the guy who woke up a celestial body eating cosmic whale at 14)
anyway its truly beautiful i absolutely detest these two and have prime liyue AQ hijinks nostalgia now thank you for the lore drop that allowed this to become canon in my head hoyo
#im sorry for completely out of nowhere ship posting dude idk where this came from . i had to get it off my chest ig . runs away#chili my dearest i miss em . theyre the most normal business partners to lovers dynamic to me NO drama whatsoever they just#happen to be insane fucking people and thats why it ends up weird . but relationship wise. bland as SHIT they just get along well#drama?? betrayal?? angst?? NO. 1 spar and childe forgives instantly we all know this to be true#theyre so fucking basic as a couple bc both of them being as weird as they are just ends up canceling out#bc neither is unnerved by the insane shit the other comes with . and they just like. date normally . and make a semi-open committed ldr wor#they simply civilly agree not to bring up the uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Religious differences .#6k yo highly suspect god known for signing NDA with celestia dating guy intent on torching the fucking place personally like .#'we make it work despite our differences 😌'#and the known self-admitted heretic if it gives him power looking to conquer the world just#'oh no need to Rush the agenda after all im still busy getting stronger 😊 in time watch tf out tho <333 youre so sexy aha'#dont listen to bland tropey fanon guysss listen to me they could be so fucking peak. they Are to me#altho childe pairings are so weird to me now being a true narwhal truther. theyre all basically a love triangle to me now LKWDJKWDKJWDKJ#like listen. they could be in love they could be the same entity they could be opposites. nemeses. platonic soulmates. romantic rivals. idc#BUT whatever the fuck they are i want them together please thank uuuuuuuu so like. added hysteria factor to any other ship w ajax .#hes still fucking cheating on his narwhalllll on all levels. romantic. platonic. cosmic. unphased by any attempts at defining their bond#with mere words. what are they??? no clue. still cheating. no i dont explain my poetry often. theyre simply everything to me xx#how do i even fucking tag this man its not rly childeposting worthy is it....#and im not abt to risk breaching containment in the chili tag.........................#guess its just#genshin#rambles#lmaooo wjkdwkjwjkdjkdw
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🎶I am filled with so much anxietyyy🎶
#quotidian convos#have a public speaking thing tomorrow#but the crowd isnt like my usual crowd#these are... actual professionals#accomplished people and leaders and people who are some of the best in their fields and jobs#and even though i'm only holding a 3-5 min activity (with a partner)#still doesnt change that this is my biggest audience yet#in terms of number as well as who they are#and also that every single person in the room are adults except me and my group#well its good to be in a group#i have a friend and we meet each other every other public speaking event#and she's so cool yall you dont even know#she's like one of THE coolest people i know#and her outfits are SMASHING#so cant wait to see her again!!#but yeah still filled with anxiety and nerves and stuff#*takes deep breath* it will be fine tho. it will be fine!#because as sprite said#public speaking is *my* bitch#(thanks sprite ^^)
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u guys should know a crow is friends with me now....... smiles
#and i can't tell if the other crow that follows it around is its partner or child#the main one that follows me and swoops over my head all the time has a claw missing so thank god i am able to recognize it#the demand of food is high. little man i do not have peanuts until december <///3#giving it other foods sometimes and it also takes things from my hands now !! granted still very cautiously $*!#and whenever im leaning against a wall it comes down beside me to walk behind me to swoop over my head#and its teaching the other crow (who is way more scared of me for now and doesnt get very near) the same too!!! bros learning to be evil !!#soemtimes it still feels violent because the claws sometimes hit my head but other times its still just swooping and slighting grazing its-#wings on my head#i just dont know how to tame it well to not hurt me by accident lol :P#heard you can stop that by taking an umbrella but erm ours broke#i greeted it from my window the other day early morning because i wanted to look at the stormy clouds. guess what happened the next day#it was waiting for me outside the window same time next day what if i fucking cried#sitting on the wall in front of my window cawing. brother i love you. stop clawing me though <3
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.
#i feel so fucked rn#like i just feel so alone#like whole heartedly alone#i actually feel more alone than b4 this sucks ass#ik hes not reading these so i can say whatever the hell i want#mainly that fig is a fucking asshole#and dear god i know im not important in this house but holy hell its never felt so blatant b4#like damn thats sure a way 2 make me feel fucking hated by someone i consider a friend#and i cant even feel comfortable around my god??? fuck you#like fuck your world and your hobbies all it ended up in was pain anyway#like yea real nice of u 2 just start fucking saying shit- especially shit YOU werent even apart of#WITHOUT ANY DAMN EXPLANATION??? like fuck me thanks for making me have 2 feel like i must plead my case 2 the court 2 not lose a friendship#while you say SO much about everyone ive ever loved or cared about- and say nothing about how youve hurt me- or they have or anyone has-#you werent apart of *most* of this if not any of some of it- like- the fuck is wrong with you??? that was my business and people you never#even fucking met you dickwad- you really just threw me under the bus entirely and for what?#well- ig for a new partner#god isnt it great having exe's who will gladly hurt me 2 high hell and talk about how horrible i am#truly i shouldnt let dominic anywhere near me the guys great and i do not want him 2 get worse as well#i know life's better without me and i wish i wasn't front stuck- the kids mean the damn world to me though and i wanna get better
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New OCs
(briefly, humans and supernatural beings have to team up for building better relations with each other and all the supernaturals can shapeshift and take on human appearances but also have their 'original form'.)
OK so I was GOING to draw fanart today - I had a fun idea and everything! But health anxiety (and anti-anxiety meds) wore me out so I kinda .... slogged through OCs as a treat to me. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow so HOPEFULLY it's all okay.
#my characters#also kite is the worst socially and says things he thinks are surely fitting for a human conversation#but ends up insulting grady with 99% of the comments and that makes grady not fond of him#but then grady is like super pleasant to others and doesnt know how to act around kite and flubs a lot too#its a disaster and the twins are like oh no this is painful#mr tengu that was so tacky you cant say that to a human#mr tengu you cant DO that to a human STOP BEING LIKE THIS#while callum is just like wow this is hilarious thanks for bothering my younger brother its adding character to his life#and kite is stressed because thats the least encouraging thing to hear ever thank you v much hes TRYING to adapt#but also kite isnt his real name and he doesnt know squat about humans BUT he knows they have the internet#and so hes like well the problem is i dont want to actually say my name to you all because what if i am Online (TM)#and so he asks for a new name and then is like he should name me - the tiny one who wants to kick my ass should name me#so grady is like ....... nooooo...... dont............ and then suggests kite bc he's done google research#and kite is a type of bird and according to wikipedia has some familiarity to tengu so therefore yeah#and kite is like !!!!!! DOES HE ! KNOW THINGS ! and happily accepts the slightly researched name while the other humans#are like grady stop that is bullying the poor guy leave him alone pick a normal name!#anyway not drawn yet but there is a human guy partner for the twins and he immediately is like perfect#i know which is which lets go out and explore the human world for your research#and they dont understand how he knows them apart so fast and none of the other humans seem to tell em apart#but then none of the humans are shocked at the guy who knows so the girls are like sir howst do you know#and hes just v casual oh right yeah younger identical twin sisters - i have Practice ! and they are endeared to him haha#anyway if you read all those tags ty#and yes in his tengu form he does actually have the long nose please do not be mad#i just dont draw noses normally and im too tired to practice rn so#i only drew the second one today anyway - the first pic was done a couple days ago but i didnt wanna post on main#but then here i am posting on main#im sorry
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being stuck at home for almost a month due to a bad case of pneumonia really does fuck you up ESPECIALLY when you’re in a bad place mentally. i was supposed to be hospitalized but of course now i just have to deal with myself again and the past has very obviously shown i C A N T. i feel helpless. i can’t distract myself from my own damn mind, the thoughts just keep spinning out of control, all the flashbacks and general worries have been creeping up and there’s nothing i can do to stop myself from spiraling. also i‘m so fed up cause apparently not only the mental health system is shit no no no :) let’s make it the entire healthcare system. doctors have been failing me once again (misdiagnosing me, sending me back home when i rushed to the ER coughing up blood and more) and YES feeling like you‘re all on your own is like a punch in the face and does drag you down tremendously. i don’t even know what to say or do anymore - once again
#personal#i already feel pathetic not having an actual job thanks to my burned out unstable self#but not being able to leave the house and work in that damn cafe is making me feel even worse#my mental health already fuxked up my whole life with me not being able to study and dropping out of uni so close to finishing my bachelors#and not being able to be a good friend or partner or literally anything#but now my health is failing me as well cause who knows if it’s actually pneumonia or something even worse#and if it is pneumonia then who fucking knows how long it’ll take for me to recover cause docs aren’t doing shit but making things worse#if you think i’m being dramatic y‘all have no idea how badly docs have messed up the past three weeks#i‘m tired of having to question every single thing that comes out of a doctors or psychiatrists or therapists mouth#i‘m just tired in general#deeply deeply deeply tired
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Sometimes I worry that I might actually be faking the whole not a lot of gender except a sprinkle of guy on top thing, and then i am aggressively gendered as a cis woman in day-to-day life and remember why i don't go out much.
#it's nothing new#i'm USED to it#it's just annoying#people are nice to me and all of that and i like going out and talking to people#but realizing that they perceive me as a woman and interact through that lens and say things about feminity and such and i'm like#no i do not know what makes a hat feminine or masculine. it is a hat#unless it is Very Clearly one way or the other i Do Not See It#no i can't quite tell if my own personal style is one or the other. i'm not really either and i like being a blob.#Yes i know how to dress well and prettily that makes me look very good#but for some reason i dislike it being complimented on by other people than my partner my close friends and my family#because when it's other people it tends to be 'oh you're dressing so feminine today it looks so good on you!' and thanks but#that's. not part of why i'm dressing like this today i just wanted to look hot#idk#is it weird ?#is it overthinking ?#it probably is#something something stop gendering me
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the game always puts so much attention on his hands... thank you, game. I am looking. I am appreciating.
#ash rambles 💚#the stupid amount of m.akoto d.ate hand shots feed me so well. i didnt know about these games when they came out but the devs were like#'omg one day ash is gonna play these. lets feed her.'#AHSJAHDJAJ. HE'S SO FINE. HIS HANDS...#he has really nice hands 😳 and in the later games when he rolls up his sleeves?? you can see his forearms?? the veins?? OH MY GOODDD#THANK YOU Y.AKUZA ILY Y.AKUZA#i think i only mentioned it once but. remember my irl crush guy? yeah so he's been my bf for a while. we've been playing y.akuza at the same#time (though I'm a lot further than he is since i have. no life + he likes doing all the side content)#and this morning he texted 'omg d.ate is kinda fine.. i see what you've been hyping up..'#HEHEHEHEHEHE#YEAH#D.ATE IS SO HOT AJSJQJDBQJDJQ#i love him so much. i love my detective dilf dude <3#my partner in (not) crime 🔍
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